ALIEN NOSE JOB - Stained Glass LP (Anti Fade/Total Punk)

 ANJ = Jake Robertson. He happens to be a friend of mine, and yes, I have plenty of friends, I guess, because I'm a friendly guy. But I don't make it a habit of writing about friends' records and artistic output here, because it either puts people's noses out of joint or makes me look silly, like I'm running a PR racket. Having said that, so few people even read this thing that no one should give a shit either way. Regardless, I will talk of this album by Jake's notorious nom de plume, Alien Nose Job.

Jake has done plenty of hard time the past decade in bands such as the Frowning Clouds, Ausmuteants, Drug Sweat, Leather Towel, making him one of the hardest working men in showbiz. On top of that, he's managed to put out a mere five LPs and several EPs in the past five years under his ANJ solo moniker, and this one, released in December of last year which I have only shockingly and belatedly wrapped my ears around in the past month, is the best yet. ANJ has traversed the sonic worlds of goofy Devo-damaged New Wave to scratchy post-punk to Italian disco to hardcore to lo-fi punk 'n' roll, though this one is a dynamic and punchy set of HARD ROCK in the AC/DC vein.

It is unashamedly so. Prior to it coming out, Jake worded my brother up on his upcoming release. "You'll like it, it's kinda like Bits Of Shit. "What, it's a punk record?" "No, old-man rock & roll, like AC/DC". I guess my kin didn't know whether to take that as an insult, but I can only assume it was never meant to be. Whatever the case, any record compared to Stained Glass should be taken by its creators as a compliment, because this is the best Australian meat & potatoes rock & roll record I've heard in an eon, or at least since recent efforts by the likes of Stiff Richards and Civic.

Stiff Richards' scratchy and frenetic brand of punk rock, it should be said, stands miles apart from their goofy name, with songs about real-life issues and society's ills, as opposed to slamming down beer and dick jokes (if you've never actually heard them, then the name throws you for a spin: they are pure dynamite, and a live show I caught them playing last year was a near-religious experience, if I actually had a religious bone in my body, capturing the intensity and dynamism of a five-piece 'Flag without the machismo thrown on top). Civic are currently tipped as The Next Big Thing, and as with Stiff Richards, I have only ever caught them live once - again, last year - despite also being well-acquainted w/ their schtick for a number of years and greatly admiring their sonics from afar (or on my turntable). In this case, I saw them supporting the Circle Jerks(!) in a larger forum (The Forum, in fact), and while their admittedly Celibate Rifles/Radio Birdman-infused rock aktion has its obvious antecedents, especially their great new album which also happens to be produced by Rob Younger, they have the songs to back it up. Four-to-the-floor/all-seats-on-deck punk rock is something I've probably wasted far too many hours of my life experiencing, but even as I ripen, when it's done extremely well, there are few other pleasures in life which deliver such a visceral thrill. Deal with it.

Where was I? Discussing Alien Nose Job. Stained Glass is perhaps the ultimate meta-rock album, or at least the one from the past few years. It's a celebration of "rock music", played in a rock-music style, and derisive of all posers who play rock & roll and don't get it. Jake plays all instruments and sings, which means according to Joe Carducci, this studio creation wouldn't even count as "rock" proper, but sometimes that guy just gets it totally wrong, too. There are eight tracks here which make up a short, sharp and dynamic set of tunes which I have spun countless times in the past few weeks. I even bought myself the record, because I need a tactile reminder that this recordings exists, because it's special.

The opener, "Beatles Vs. Stones", sets the tone: Bon-era AC/DC as filtered thru oz underground rock & roll with lyrics tearing apart the stupidity of most rock music as we know. We love it and we hate it, right? Why do we care so much? Has rock & roll been such a good friend to us that we feel hurt and betrayed when it's done poorly, or when posers get all the praise for their poserly, fraudulent ways? This album addresses some of these important issues. The next track, "Post Punk Posers", in particular, dissects the matter at hand with a barnstormer - yes, one storming the barn - of a cut which sounds more first-LP Rose Tattoo than the mid-tempo boogie of AC/DC. "Shuffle Boogie", on the other hand, is exactly that, and no complaints are to be heard.

The B side opener, "RnR Rubbish Bin", lays it on the fuckin' line, brothers and sisters. "Rock 'n' roll was born in 1956, nobody plays it right / It gives me the shits, 50 million players learning from the same song, nobody got the news Tchaikovsky wasn't wrong / They play without the swing, they play without the soul / They concentrate on Rock, but forget about the Roll". It's the "Let There Be Rock" of 2023 and you didn't even notice. People seem to be noticing ANJ, though; a quick squiz had me taking note that Jake gets over 99,000 listeners per month on Spotify, one of his older tracks in a recent career, "Television Sets", racking up 1.3M hits. The kids have had their say.

I've talked about Stained Glass too much already, and yet not enough. It's reminded me that I still like rock music. I'm a rocker. It's also reminded me that I still have a lot of living to be done, and maybe the best is yet to come. Hell, it's an inspiration! Don't be living in the past, jackasses. Stained Glass is exceptional rock music that works on about five different levels, it is three-dimensional fucking chess as filtered through rock & roll and it's a record you should get well-familiar with. I'm giving it an A+.

That Jake, what a mensch.